Hello everyone! I am starting this blog with a letter of forgiveness. First let me explain what happened and why I am forgiving this person.
As most of you have noticed, fans of Melody Jai, I went ghost. I shut off my social media for a while and I took down my site MelodyJai.com I shut down a business that was very successful and was getting larger. In fact, my business was getting so large that I couldn’t handle doing EVERYTHING myself, including cyber security. It was only a matter of time before I was hacked, and that’s exactly what I thought happened. A loyal fan alerted me to some nude content of myself that I NEVER put out myself and NEVER intended for people to see. I was now a victim of “revenge porn”.
What is revenge porn exactly? According to Wikapedia
“Revenge porn or revenge pornography is the sexually explicit portrayal of one or more people that is distributed without their consent via any medium.[1] The sexually explicit images or video may be made by a partner of an intimate relationship with the knowledge and consent of the subject, or it may be made without his or her knowledge.”
So here I was, researching myself and finding video after video of explicit material that I NEVER consented to have released. It was like a rabbit hole. Once I found one, it would lead me to another, and another, and another. I felt betrayed, humiliated, violated, shameful, and worse of all, I felt like I was being raped over and over again by strangers.
My initial reaction was to shut everything down and hide from everyone. I didn’t talk about it because I didn’t want to draw attention to the videos that were up on various porn sites. I contacted the sites, but they were of no help. I contacted the FBI, but I wasn’t famous enough for them to care. I contacted my local police department, but they weren’t of any help either. It was too late. My brand, my image, was gone in a blink of an eye by these videos.
I wondered why this happened to me? Who could have done this? Is this karma for things I have done in the past? Was I that cruel of a person to someone else?
I was angry. I was sad. I was hurt. I felt all kind of emotions. I stuffed it down so no one around me would notice how hurt I was. I had the face of a strong woman, but in reality it hurt me to my core.
Don’t get me wrong here, I am not saying that porn is bad, or that selling nude twerk videos was better than porn. I just never wanted to be seen in that way. That was something special that I kept private for the special men in my life that I felt were worthy of my sexuality. Plus, why on earth would I give away free videos of myself doing those things? Don’t you think I would have charged a lot to get one? Lol
Then, to top it off, right around the same time that all this happened, a cell phone repair shop stole a video off my phone. The employee that worked on my phone went through my trash in iPhoto and sent himself a video I had made for my lover. Talk about icing on the cake. I later sued the repair shop and we settled outside of court for a small amount.
I say small because it should have been way more, but because they did research on me and found porn on the web they looked at my case like it wasn’t a big deal that he took a video from my phone. Talk about a slap in the face.
For a year a dealt with the ebb and flow of emotions that came up around this trauma, because that’s what it is, a form or trauma. Some days I would be fine, but other days I would search my name and see what videos were around. Each time I found one it would reopen that wound. So I stopped.
I began concentrating more on healing myself and loving the supportive man I was with, or so I thought. In the midst of all of this I was with someone who was using me for my sexuality. He was a fan. He never intended on keeping me. Our relationship was based off of expectations that were never met, but that my friend is a whole other story.
The one thing I think that hurt me more than anything was the fact that part of my family turned their back on me. I can’t say for a fact that these videos are the reason, because they won’t even speak to me. I can feel it in my heart. I know my grandmother never approved of me dancing, and now this. Can you imagine a die-hard Catholic hearing that her granddaughter was in porn?
It took me awhile to cope with the loss of my family. I still have days I wish I could talk to my relatives.
Fast forward to two nights ago. I was lying in bed reading “Witch” by Lisa Lister and something came to me. I remembered whom I shared these intimate moments with. No one hacked my computer to my knowledge; it was a fan. It was a man that I trusted and believed that would keep what we did online private.
I then felt sorry for that person because I know that in order to do such a thing to someone else that the person who did it must be in pain. I don’t think he thought about how it would hurt me. I don’t really know what his intentions were for putting those out nor do I care. I know in order for me to heal I had to see that his pain was greater than mine. So I forgive you.
I know he is reading this and so I want to let him know that “I forgive you”. You putting those videos online was a good thing.
There is always something good that comes from what we perceive as bad. I am a stronger person because of this. I am more cautious and it made me see how fortunate I am to have people around me that support anything I do and don’t judge. It made me move into a space where I was able to forgive. I now have a closer relationship to myself.
So as I sit here typing, I want y’all to know, that I am reclaiming my pussy. I am reclaiming my sexuality. I am not ashamed of the pleasure I give to others or myself. I am a divine being with an amazing body and sexual energy.
I embrace all my flaws and I own my mistakes.
I am ready to step into a new chapter of my life. For those who are new and don’t know me, I am Melody “The Dancing Priestess”. Here to share with you my Goddess Lifestyle.
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Beautiful…. Happy you’re back. ❤️
Yeah girl, I am back. Spirit told me to just be still and I did for over a year. The pieces are falling into place right now and it’s time for me to plan, visualize, dream, and make it happen. 2018 here WE come!!
Hey there darling you are amazing and you know it and we support you from our core of heart…I love you wana see you stronger and better . Regards .Alikhan
Awe..thank you so much! I look forward to sharing this new journey with everyone and to hear about your journey as well. 🙂
That’s a crazy trip! This is America where this kinda treatment is expected. Our government shows no concern if there’s not major $$$ involved. Or something high profile. I’m not sure what you can do after all that info was out but I’m sure it can be and will be a better turnout. Forgiveness is hard but necessary to transcend the ideals we’ve grown up accustomed to like regret or resentment. All will be well Melody. I’ve been watching you for years and I support your new movement. Love tho😘
Such a beautiful and touching story.
Hey Mel dont feel bad at all. I love how you express your sexuality. Im here with you for the journey you are embarking on now and i cant wait to become a member of your onlyfans account
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What a sad and heroic journey. I’m amazing how people find clarity and calm in chaos and it seems you have found yours. I’m glad you overcame those obstacles and simply put that’s all those were. If you can look back and say your a better person for it than it was certainly a life changing event. Family like relationships are fickle in my opinion. Religion blinds people to the facts that people rise and fall but family should remind despite our failures and success. I hope for your peace of mind they learn that lesson one day. Once again an amazing read.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my postings and comment. It means a lot hearing from those that have read them.